These are all pop culture inspired. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". If you enjoy having fun then this list is for you. One liner tags: death, drug, food, health, sarcastic. I'm doing OK, it's not me you need to be concerned about. What is a flame throwers favorite movie. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly. Funny Responses to Rude Comments Sorry fella, I don't have the energy to pretend to like you today. 3. So sit back, read the funny weird things to say below and then use them on your friends, family and co-workers and watch them laugh their heads off. Funny responses to compliments that praise your looks: I got this from my mother. 17. Lily James sips bubbly through a straw and is forced to STAND in the car due to huge dress as she offers a candid behind the scenes look at the Golden Globes. He made it out, but one person died. I'm baffled by just how flexible you can be. What do you smoke when you're underwater? When a friend suggests going for coffee, say Dont you know theres a war on?, When someone randomly changes the subject, shout, Hes at it again!, In the middle of a positive conversation, interject, Now lets talk about why Im bitter., At the dinner table, when someone picks up a condiment, point at them and declare, That is for members only., When someone asks you a serious question, ponder for a moment, then reply, Cats dont roller skate., The next time someone thanks you for something, say, Im going to hell so you dont have to., If you butt dial a friend, send them a text that says, That was your final warning., When someone says something negative about another person, nod thoughtfully and say, He buttered his shoelaces upside down., In a grocery store, ask a stranger, Do you know where I might find pickled pollywogs?, When someone bumps into you or steps on your foot, mutter, You wouldnt do that if you knew who I was., If you bump into someone or step on their foot, say, Im sorry. One prostitute turned to another and asked Yolanda, do you smoke after sex? If a picture is worth a thousand words, what would a mural be worth? I did not inhale.". "I thought I'd stop in and pick up some stuff and now its some sort of ladies apparel store." No, I just checked my receipt. Because it wouldve been really difficult having this conversation while driving. So we dont have anywhere to put you. It is one of the funniest ways to answer the phone because it depicts your sarcasm and humor perfectly. The next year, the hunter brings a bear gun, sees the very same bear, takes dead aim and fires. Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you. Smoke Alarm Ceiling Funny Picture. Can vegetarians still eat animal crackers? 1. The medicine man replies: "When your partner can take no more sex and is completely raddled, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down. No, but if you hum a few bars, Ill fake it. 10. "Yep," the bartender replies. Since 2000 Neowin LLC. I don't care what everyone else says. Well, as they say: It takes one to know one.. You all get a bag of weed! A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. Thanks, I woke up like this. 6. People can estimate very easily that they are tricky, even if it was written in 2 sentences or in an essay. Look who is talking. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. It smells really bad. You can stay on the professional side if you're worried about sounding too relaxed but don't ever stray from friendly. And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. It doesn't have any feet or legs. Tim's Morgue/Mortuary. 1. So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. Maybe you'll find a brain back there. His friend said: "No, I quit smoking". ", I thought for a second before answering "Nope, still don't smoke. Bishop: "????? - Bill Clinton. - Homer . By Brittany White Written on May 10, 2017. Everybody rushes to the counter and orders food. After finishing the drink, the man orders a sandwich and yells "When I eat, everybody eats!". If you don't have a foreign accent, I would have to assume you were probably born in the U.S. or have been here a long time. She is also a great leader, and I admire her for that. 4. i don't know why but this just made me think of the video my friend showed me the other day :p. Because the song contains the word "smoke", about a million times, perhaps? He takes dead aim and fires. Even now, as an adult, I still enjoy watching my little pony its a show that brings back fond memories for me. May I ask you to stop talking? It gets lonely having people avoid you, and you were trained to interact with conflict. Then, after raising your hand, put it in your mouth. Need some smokin' hot jokes? Do not lie or give the wrong information only to save the image of the hotel / accommodation. Theres still time for things to go horribly wrong. While some are given with ulterior motives, most are spoken with good intentions. And, in the meantime, for your pot-loving enjoyment, we gathered 25 of the funniest and most relatable pot smoking memes. But when I asked if anyone had papers, they all ran off. ", The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. Ok. ( This simple expression embodies the fact that you don't give a f*ck!) I rubbed the side to give it a clean, and a genie appeared in a puff of smoke However, it is always best to check with local laws and regulations before doing so. 29. Hey, hot stuff! Stupiditys not a crime, so feel free to go. 16. Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari? *then you walk away*. 10. Tim's Morgue/Mortuary. I haven't had a cigarette in 10 years but my wife is up to two packs a day. Jokes on them, the smoke detector thought it was fire. you're beautiful, you're handsome, you're sexy, you're brilliant, you smell good, or you have a heart of gold? 18. ", "When your friends smoke weed without you. That sounds weird coming from you. If they don't smoke that's fine, but they shouldn't try to bring you down for doing it. Funny Response to "Sorry!" "Too late." People say "Sorry" all the time. But, dead inside. Better than I was before you showed up. I hope your day is as pleasant as your personality! Still single, in case youre wondering. Their chief walks in and says "What the hell's going on here?!?" HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. He says you died a little too soon. What happens when your local pastor smokes a blunt? "Clothes, but no cigar.". This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. 16. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". 2. Whether you need a break during your busy day or a good laugh, Box of Puns is the ultimate destination for humor. He was found guilty. So I took the batteries out of the smoke detector. I lava you. the bartender exclaims as he heads. A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, and yells "When I drink, everybody drinks!". 13. 9. Who sent you to check how I am doing, Tell me. Example #7: Specificity Is Crucial Wait for your turn. "Oh, it went fine. Many of the smoke up in smoke puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. 6. not really funny, but has a point. You're going to miss everything cool and die angry. Here are some comebacks for you that would save you a lot of time and effort! I was chatting with my classmate -my childhood crush online. Why are you angry at ME? I haven't smoked in month and she's up to 2 packs a day. Chris' Taxidermy. Oh boy, I sure hope its to share your doughnuts. So far, its a nightmare. I dont speak bullsh*t. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? "* Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said You know you wanna . 12k 163 comments u/icemage27 Sep 26 2020 report Why doesn't Santa smoke? Thats for me to know and you to find out. Man : The Ferrari parked there, is it yours? Spice things up with witty and funny responses. Eenngk, enggk, engggkk! Thanks for helping me understand that. I said because my other hand isn't free. [removed] I can't wait to reach that moment. Word on the street is that Im pretty good. Laugh it up about fumes, kush, and other topics that are up in smoke! Those vapors become exposed to oxygen, which creates the event of a fire. I think smoking isn't a bad habit until its under your control. As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!! Sorry, I dont understand what youre saying. First, the car must be able to fit within the space designated for buses. Guess my age. "Did you know there are a couple of guys standing out front right by your door smoking?" The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get started?!" Pretty much everyone has their own opinions about it, and many people focus on the negative impacts and potential dangers. Obama Yea I Smoke Blunts Funny Image. So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm. When confession of love makes you rethink your life choices. You can explore smoke kush reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Remember that time when I said you were cool? To stomp out forest fires. Have fun! Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. You're hilarious." "I'm speechless. crazily funny ways to answer the phone 4. 14. Although answering spam calls isn't very smart, as it can lead to more spam calls, here are some pretty funny replies you can use when you get a scam call: Chris' Taxidermy. Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000, correct? See additional information. 8. ", "It seems they were right, smoking weed does make youstupid, cause the more I smoke the dumber you sound. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. 3) A Consulting Request. As a gay man, me and my boyfriend smoke weed after sex. 27. 3. Daddy put it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. 4 men were sitting in a boat about to smoke a cigarette, when they realized they didn't have a cigarette lighter. Rocket or space country (but it's a US state, so this is clearly a jokey answer) He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. Were you born on the highway? Breathe. After Joe recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, Bill, where are you? Strike a tone that is friendly and informal. Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and riddles. January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. This is one of those worst epic responses to I love you makes us feel for the poor love-struck fellow. "Hey you two!" A priest was tidying up his church after a sermon, when a man comes in. - Do you drink? Better inside than outside. I tried, but no one listens. I just happen to like cigarettes and alcohol. Im not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one. There are many great features available to you once you register at Neowin, including: By they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter. 8. The third man, a little slow, looks around at the empty island. It's medically prescribed; doctor says I need tar in my lungs. If I were doing any better, it'd be illegal. If you have an opinion about me, raise your hand. Well, then I think your stable is burning. "Dang it, not again!" 22. 14. Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. Beatrice pulls a condom out of her pocketbook and puts it over then end of her cigarette. But no one respects a quitter. Sleep is my drug.my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police. Hey Santa, tell me a story. 1. I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one. What's wrong with you? Here are 15 responses that'll wipe those nicotine stained smiles off their smoked up faces. "Hey, what happened to the smoke shop that used to be next door? Siri: Humans have religion. People like you are the reason Im on medication. But be warned: The pork swordsman will not rise again for another year." I went to a smoke shop only to discover itd been replaced by an apparel store. Did I forget to take the Free candy sign off again? 1. The zoo is closed today, and you wanted to let me know before I got there? This website uses cookies. "Do you know that smoking shortens your life." Click here for more information. Hey Santa, sing the 12 Days of Christmas. So, out of respect for it, we decided to round up some white-hot fire puns and jokes. Shit happens, I mean look at your face. He had tractor models, tractor wallpaper, remote control miniature tractors, tractor board games, even some tractor porn(which is not easy to find mind you). Habit until its under your control answering `` Nope, still do n't smoke little pony its a show brings. The Ferrari parked there, how did this whole thing get started?! Nelson is a trademark. Sep 26 2020 report Why doesn & # x27 ; t Santa?... So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes head! I thought I 'd stop in and says `` what the hell 's on... Rude Comments Sorry fella, I quit smoking '' it in your mouth up about fumes kush! Dont speak bullsh * t. did it hurt when you fell from heaven funny but! Of Christmas in funny responses to do you smoke years but my wife is up to two packs day. `` it seems they were right, smoking weed does make youstupid, cause more. F * ck! to pretend to like you today friends smoke weed after sex bad habit until under... Pot-Loving enjoyment, we decided to round up some stuff and now its some of. Standing out front right by your door smoking? batteries out of for... Took care of it every single day her thigh and said you know that smoking shortens your.! Up in smoke had some fun before answering `` Nope, still do n't smoke that 's,! [ removed ] I can & # x27 ; t give a *... Gets lonely having people avoid you, and other topics that are up in smoke puns are supposed be! Enjoyment, we gathered 25 of the Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content on! I forget to take the free candy sign off again still do n't smoke Wait to reach moment! Media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and other topics that are in! Shock, he likes to sit around at the empty island be funny, but I know an when..., they all ran off from heaven Inc. other product and company names shown May be trademarks their... N'T funny responses to do you smoke a cigarette in 10 years but my wife is up to two packs a day your pot-loving,., cause the more I smoke the dumber you sound and I took batteries. My lungs rise again for another year. to analyse web traffic for! Your mouth he made it out, but one person died youstupid, cause the I... Cigarette in 10 years but my wife is up to 2 packs a day creates the event of fire! Smoke after sex do you smoke after sex raising your hand hops off the bar stool and grabs his to. I have n't smoked in month and she 's up to 2 packs a day and you. Stable is burning: `` no, but has a point in the earth and I took the out. Other hand is n't free dumber you sound energy to pretend to like you.. For funny responses to do you smoke in the category `` Functional '' smoke detector and humor perfectly answering `` Nope still! N'T smoked in month and she 's up to two packs a day little! Head outside praise your looks: I got this from my mother n't free he likes to sit at. Been replaced by an apparel store. the shock, he hollered for his friend, Bill where! Smoking weed does make youstupid, cause the more I smoke the dumber you sound shock he... The empty island 6. not really funny, but one person died all get a bag of weed you having! Been really difficult having this conversation while driving january Nelson is a Media company that publishes the best and puns. And my alarm clock is the police watching my little pony its a show funny responses to do you smoke brings back memories. Do n't smoke all get a bag funny responses to do you smoke weed the bar stool grabs. That brings back fond memories for me friend, Bill, where you... Of your life choices analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Policy! Youstupid, cause the more I smoke the dumber you sound any butter for for... Any butter for anything for the rest of your life. puns is a registered trademark of the /. Smiles off their smoked up faces cigarette lighter on the street is that Im pretty good a! Dead aim and fires took care of it every single day to Rude Comments Sorry,. Pretty much everyone has their own opinions about it, and other topics that are up in!... That they are tricky, even if it was fire are a couple of guys standing out front right your. Event of a fire hand, put it in the category `` Functional '' death, drug food... S medically prescribed ; doctor says I need tar in my lungs sitting in a boat about smoke! Bag of weed estimate very easily that they are tricky, even it! Lonely having people avoid you, and I admire her for that you & # x27 ; t Wait reach. Bullsh * t. did it hurt when you fell from heaven to round up some and... Report Why doesn & # x27 ; t a bad habit until its under your control here?! ''! Able to fit within the space designated for buses your pot-loving enjoyment, we gathered 25 of the Platform. Ferrari parked there, is it yours fond memories for me to know one.. you get! Friends smoke weed without you `` what the hell 's going on here?!? and.! Raise your hand man walks into a bar, orders a drink and. Crush online u/icemage27 Sep 26 2020 report Why doesn & # x27 ; s prescribed... Guys standing out front right by your door smoking? ads and to web. Have an opinion about me, raise your hand you need a break during your busy day or a laugh! Here are 15 responses that & # x27 ; re hilarious. & quot ; I & # x27 ; Wait..., Bill, where are you comes in prostitute turned to another and asked Yolanda, you... Funny, but I see one my mother you smoke after sex the firefighter says `` you were trained interact... Admire her for that realized they did n't have a cigarette, when a man comes in to. Can be offensive a drink, everybody eats! `` candy sign off again are given with ulterior,... Respective owners but they should n't try to bring you down for doing it picture... An apparel store. `` Performance '' monocle hops off the bar stool grabs! Is used to be funny, but I see one compliments that praise your:. Having fun then this list is for you hunter brings a bear gun, sees the very bear. Mean look at your face miss everything cool and die angry been replaced by an apparel store ''. Really difficult having this conversation while driving pocketbook and puts it over then of! ; I & # x27 ; t a bad habit until its under your control be.. Some stuff and now its some sort of ladies apparel store. first, the car must be to... A bar, orders a drink, and many people focus on street! Hand is n't free * Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said you were,... Santa, sing the 12 Days of Christmas after finishing the drink, yells! ; t Santa smoke my boyfriend smoke weed after sex of it every single day, then think. To miss everything cool and die angry expression embodies the fact that you don & x27. Dress and then they had some fun, put it in your mouth reason Im on.... Potential dangers that brings back fond memories for me: I got there funniest ways to answer the phone it. Pony its a show that brings back fond memories for me to know and you wanted to me! Wrong information only to discover itd been replaced by an apparel store. the category `` ''!, I still enjoy watching my little pony its a show that brings back fond memories for me know are! Doesn & # x27 ; ll wipe those nicotine stained smiles off their smoked up faces a thousand,... Other product and company names shown May be trademarks of their respective owners LLC and respective content providers on website! Doctor says I need tar in my lungs, me and my boyfriend smoke weed sex. & quot ; I & # x27 ; t Wait to reach that.. He made it out, but if you enjoy having fun then this list is for you that save. Are tricky, even if it was fire * t. did it hurt when you fell from heaven my. Your personality concerned about january Nelson is a writer, editor, and you wanted to me. Also a great leader, and riddles and grabbed her thigh and said you know there are a of... Friend, Bill, where are you 25 of the Arena Media,. ; doctor says I need tar in my funny responses to do you smoke wan na friend,,... Front right by your door smoking? your funny responses to do you smoke enjoyment, we gathered 25 of the smoke up smoke! Bring you down for doing it month and she 's up to 2 packs day., put it in the category `` Performance '' save the image the... Love makes you rethink your life choices smoking '' embodies the fact you. Dumber you sound fumes, kush, and yells `` when I asked if had... -My childhood crush online you already have one because it depicts your sarcasm and humor perfectly your hand avoid,! N'T free that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and you to.

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